I did not particularly want to read this book. My wife picked it up for me while I was browsing and kept saying to give it a go. I bought the book to keep her quiet and oh boy do I owe her now! I LOVED this book. Like REALLY loved it!
I don’t think I can properly put into words how hideously painful but utterly beautiful this story was but I have done my best resulting in the following ramblings of a reader in the midst of a severe book hangover.
Joanne is not her real name. Nor is Mary. Or Genevieve. Or Charlotte. They are all just alibis and no one can know who she really is. But someone has got too close and it looks like her alibis have begun to run out.
From reading the blurb and the first few pages, it was pretty clear why the main character, Ellis, had had multiple names and alibis and I wasn’t sure that there could be much of a story if I’d figured that out so quickly. I was wrong and it went so much deeper than that.
The relationship Ellis had with the people she knew as each different facet of herself was so deep and authentic that I was convinced there was more to the reason behind her different aliases. What I hadn’t considered was that the story is told in the first person so everything I was reading was from Ellis’ point of view. When it was revealed that she hadn’t actually been fooling anyone but they all went along with it, I suddenly became suspicious of every character which put me right in Ellis’ shoes. I’ve never felt that level of connection with a character where I’m experiencing their paranoia as I read.
Ellis, gave me real Eleanor Oliphant vibes. There were times when she was almost too irritating to continue reading and others where I wanted to scoop her up like a child and hug her. So many of the nuances of her character became understandable as you learnt more about her story and I experienced that, “Ah, that’s why she does that,” moment so many times it was like actually getting to know a new friend through their history. The concept of where Ellis got her alibi names from was stunningly creative.
The prospect of Ellis going to random people’s funerals just to feel like she was part of a family completely broke me. It was beautiful and completely soul destroying all in one. Although a bizarre choice, it was also slightly relatable. Meeting people is hard in a world where so much happens online and societal gatherings don’t happen in the way they might once have done. In the words of Ellis, “What kind of Louisa May Alcott world does Scants live in where people just go out and, God forbid, introduce themselves to new people?”
Character development throughout this book was not what I had anticipated. Ellis’ journey and growth through the story as a whole and within chapters is realistic and believable; particularly when you learn more about her past. Her path is not linear and you get to meet her at different highs and lows and to authentically share in her story. The two timelines of Ellis’ life made me feel like I was rooting for two completely different characters. Somehow, they were completely different whilst also being so much the same. I was desperate for young Ellis to have a happy ending even though you know from the beginning that she doesn’t.
The development of Foy was also impressive. She was a kind and caring young girl with a limitless imagination and a great sense of adventure; exactly what you’d want in a cousin growing up. As an adult however, she became a complex combination of bitterness (“Oh, sorry, am I not allowed to have a bad day today? Is it my turn tomorrow?”), desperation, feisty disdain (“She’s so simperingly polite that I fight the urge to vomit right there on the coconut doormat.”) and overwhelming love for those close to her. I laughed and cried along with Foy and felt every ounce of emotion she experienced along her journey.
The language Skuse uses in this book is incredible. She has a unique way with words and I fell in love with her descriptions of Ellis’ childhood holidays with her family. She truly transported me to the Taunton pub where the girls spent their summers building castles in tree houses and creating their own imaginary worlds; “A ten-year-old girl with a laugh like jingle bells and a smile like the sun coming up over the horizon.” The same hand that wrote such magical phrases also managed to craft emotive sentences that were like a sucker punch to the gut and left me reeling; “Why was she still living in this fantasy world we created as children? The answer fell on me like ice water – because that was when she last felt safe.” This one well and truly opened the floodgates.
Skuse is a true master of her craft! Her creation and manipulation of characters had me hooked and the careful yet explosive way she weaved her story meant that I could not put this one down.
This book broke my heart and put me back together again all in just 320 pages. It made me feel permanently broken and unbreakable whole in equal measure. I wanted to hug it once I had finished because it gave me so many feels. I cannot wait to read more by Skuse.
READ THIS BOOK!!!
CW: attempted suicide, death of loved ones, alcoholism, car accident, trauma, amputation of a limb,, miscarriage
Only If I Can Bring A Book 